Kit of Blogging Dangerously loves to talk about her toys. One of the first articles I read of hers was about her Carmen Electra. Ironically, it was the same vibrator I had purchased in an attempt to help one lover reach that elusive and coveted simultaneous O. After reading Kit’s article, I could never use mine again. Her words would pop into my head every time I looked at it. She’s a clever writer and nice person, but my bedroom is the last place I want to see/think of her. I’m sure the feeling is mutual. Moreover, I realized the use of machinery created a deficit in other areas.
The Feel and Smell
The biggest downfall of toys versus manual masturbation is the feel. Body parts are soft and tender… fleshy. Most toys for women (unless you’re using a dildo) are made of metal or hard plastics. Even so-called flesh-like toys are still missing the feel of real flesh. I also wonder about the leeching of chemicals from the silicone and plastics. But assuming you’re not concerned about BPA and your mucus membranes, there’s just no substitute. During my Classical studies of Greco Roman sexuality; I remember reading that while ancient Greek women used dildos (made of leather), the tool was not ideal as “it lacked heat.” Another part of the joy of sex, whether with a partner or alone (“with someone you love” Woody Allen) is the smell. Indeed, the smell can intensify excitement. Like fresh baked bread – the reaction it produces is unique and priceless. Vibrating silicone not only lacks heat, it lacks sexy funk.
The Mind Body Connection
While some may see masturbation as a quick tension release when a partner is unavailable, I see it as an opportunity to build your sexual practice. Both men and women can use this time to explore what pleases, what teases and what creates orgasm. It is also an opportunity to build your multi-orgasmic ability – men included. The electric connection between fingers and genitalia is another part of masturbatory pleasure. The use of a toy can cause you to lose connection with your own body. Honestly, I think it creates emotional distance with the toy becoming an intermediary. My suggestion is to keep your own hand in the game to keep connected both physically and mentally.
An Exception to my Rule
So with all this talk about the hand versus toys and machines, there is one toy that I do recommend to men. I’ve given several away as gifts and think for the price point and for occasional use, it’s a great little find. The Tenga Egg is a silicone egg-shaped toy with a hole on one end. There are several different eggs with varying internally ridged designs. It’s sort of like masturbating with a very stretchy, thick, bumpy condom, “A posh wank” as my English friend Jordan calls it. My male friends report that the Tenga Egg is a great experience. At less than $12 a pop, it’s a fabulous stocking stuffer.
What is really important is that you enjoy your time with you. There’s no reason to rush the fun and experimentation is the spice of life. While I hand cream my cakes instead of using a Kitchenaid, that’s not to say a Kitchenaid is a bad tool. It is another option to play with in your kitchen. I’d love to hear what works best for you.